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Sex Q&A: How do I get more foreplay?

The Nest Q&A

There’s no foreplay anymore; just the big deed. How do I get him to be more romantic in the bedroom?

Consider what you mean by wanting more foreplay. After all, you also said you want him to be more romantic. For some people, more foreplay means extra time spent having oral sex before having intercourse. For you, more foreplay may mean massaging each other for 20 minutes before kissing, touching and having sex.

Try, then, doing what it is you want done. If you want massages, light candles, undress, and then ask him to turn over onto his stomach while you rub his back with lotion. Then ask for a turn at receiving massage. You can also read poetry together in bed (I like Pablo Neruda’s "Love Sonnets," as they’re short but erotically charged).

You might also try making sex tastier, by sprinkling mint julep-flavored body sugar (available at MyTulip.com) on his or your parts so that they can be licked up with love. Want more kissing? Then kiss and kiss and kiss some more. If he tries to rush sex, back off and say “not yet” with a sly smile. Or let him know that you find it more pleasurable, exciting, or easier to orgasm if you can build arousal through foreplay before starting intercourse. Many women and men, too, find it easier to stay aroused (which translates into firmer erections) after foreplay, which is why -- though they may not initiate foreplay -- they often like it just as much as women do.

Nestpert: Debby Herbenick, PhD, is a research scientist at Indiana University, a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure & Satisfaction. She blogs at MySexProfessor.com.

-- Debby Herbenick

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