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Sex Q&A: How can I get my husband to be wilder in bed?

Q.

My husband is very conservative in his everyday life and in bed. How can I get him to let loose for hotter sex?

A.

Usually we think men are the ones who are always trying to encourage their women to be a bit more adventurous. But just as often, it’s women who want to cut loose and are worried about upsetting their husband.

The best place to start? Ask yourself why you think he's conservative and shy in bed. Is it simply low sexual confidence? Or maybe a lack of sexual experience before meeting you? Is it something more complex, like he got burned in a past relationship and that makes him feel he can't let go fully? Sometimes understanding why a person is shy and conservative in bed helps to change things for the better.

The next tip is to always heap loads of praise on a shy partner when he even starts something new or a little different. The more praise he gets, the more he'll think to himself, Ooh, this feels good! I'm being told how amazing I am! So if he begins to touch you in a new place or slightly alter his position, tell him how good it feels!

Next, you can invest in a sex guide and tell him you'd love him to highlight something he might want to try. 

Nestpert Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

>>49 more sex questions you were too afraid to ask...

Jul 30, 2009

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My husband is def a shy guy... and I'm not used to it. Instead of sitting down and talking about it... JUST TAKE CONTROL! I don't do it all the time... but everyone in awhile I lure him back to the bedroom and throw him down on the bed and make my move.... Once he knows you're in control... and are enjoying it, I guarantee you he will break out of his shell for the night ;)

by mrsdixon926 on Jun 21, 2010

I agree that my husband will comply if I make the first move...but why do I have to?? Why am I not enough to make him WANT me??? Shy or not there is a point when the man needs to take charge.

by courtneyrae5 on Sep 16, 2010

It could also be that he likes to do and stick with what works. My hubby likes me to take charge too, but if I seem disinterested in what he's doing, or respond in an unfavorable way, then creativity stops and it's business as usual. I have to be more expressive about what I do and don't want b/c he does want to please me. I believe that is the desire of most men. Men are also very visual. Wear a little something hot every now and again, or nothing at all. Set out a pair of boxers, silky robe, briefs, or whatever turns you on. This is your cue that you're ready for some action tonight.

by cocomoco on Nov 12, 2010