Not sure if this is the right place to post....but here goes: I have a question along the same lines. My husband and I saved ourselves for marriage. On our honeymoon we had sex pretty much once a day. When we got back it went straight to maybe once a week...the short version of the story is now we might have sex once every couple of months. I definitely want sex....as a matter of fact, you could say I am ready anytime anywhere! lol. The problem is my husband doesn't want to have sex. period. He says that guys don't think about sex as much as the media would make you think, and that it's just not normal to want sex 'that' often (I would be happy with having sex ANY more often than we do). He even says that he is perfectly normal, and is just past his sexual peak which is 'why' he doesn't want to have sex. It's not a matter me not being seductive, there are no games to play, no outfits to wear...you name it, I've tried it...and felt humiliated when my husband is seemingly uninterested. It's not that he's mean about it...he is just very honest about the fact he doesn't want to do it. And don't think 'oh he must be getting it from somewhere else', truly truly my husband is completely faithful. That is not the issue at all... This is a long post...I just kind of feel at my wits end here. He is too sensitive for me to really approach the subject. Whenever I do bring the topic to discussion, he ends up VERY defensive and I end up apologizing for talking about it. Shouldn't I be able to bring up the topic of sex with my husband?? Any words of advice?? Anyone out there like me?

My husband and I are also both 26, have been married for 6 months, but together almost 9 years. We also waited. Our honeymoon was likes yours, we had sex almost daily, but once we got home, we haven't had much sex at all. Our situation is, it's not that he doesn't want to (he'd do it every day if I wanted), but it's just...boring! It's more of a chore for me than anything else. So many times, I thing something must be wrong with me and I try to "power through it", but it's like there's just no spark. It is heartbreaking, as I dearly love my husband, and I don't know what to do. We have even tried experimenting with various positions/lotions, etc.

I feel the same way at times bhtucker. Right now I could do it at least a couple times a week but my husband, really isn't interested. We are lucky if we do it a couple times a month. I love him dearly and I know eventually my sex drive will die down and I could care less but it is just annoying right now.

Try reading a book called, "The Sex-Starved Wife." Michelle Wiener-Davis. At least knowing you're not alone can help. Also, a book called, "If Men Could Talk" may bring understanding of your man's world.Counseling is a must--with someone who can address the emotional, physical, and spiritual componants. Even for your own sake. This situation can do a huge number on your self-esteme and confidence. You need to learn how to work through what you are feeling so that you can be in a healthy position to work through the situation with your husband. Good counselors are hard to find but don't give up until you get the help and answers that sit right in your gut.

I useed to date a guy who at 24 had no sex drive what so ever. No matter what I did he was not interested. After several frustrating years i realized that he had SO much stress from work he had nothing left for me when he got home. Not long after that discovery and he took another less demanding positintion with another company and not long after that his sex drive went through the roof. Just my experiance.

I feel the same ..its not that he doesnt love me, I love him alot as well but he keeps on telling me his work really takes a toll on him and thats why he doesnt feel it. But, its just that before marriage the things we used to do i was amazed how he got that 'animal instinct' in me which i had no idea was there as well, but now i go close to him .. he just moves away and its always me wanting it and when he does want it ...he just wants to get over with it. You know what i am saying ? When i ask him .. its gets into a heated discussion which makes me feel that its so pointless talking about .. i know the only solution is if he talks ... if i breathe the word counselling .. he will think i am making a mountain out of a molehill ..so really its just a sticky situaton that i am tryin to figure out on my own how to deal with.. but to all the ladies out there ..we just need to keep on saying , its not our fault its no ones fault .. it is how it is and we just need to adapt to it. Sigh ! cheers you guys .

I've been married for six years and dating my wife for a year before that. She is sooo hot it is unbelievable, really out of my league hot and we love each other, so it's brilliant. I work hard, my job is under threat all the time, I work long hours and have to help other family members. Add in Caffeine addiction and a slight weight problem (but in great health: at rest my heart rate is 60BPM). When we get it together it's great. But sometimes, even though I know she's a real babe (and a mother to my 2 brilliant kids), sometimes, I'm just not "motivated". She knows what's going on, and that I love her, and I know she loves me. Just be understanding. I've given up the coffee, swim a mile each day, and try to get more sleep. Things get better. A big thing I think is worth saying is that so many of you have been well behaved and saved yourselves for marriage. This would act as a sieve function for dating couples: if the man wanted too much sex for the lady whilst dating (or vice versa) then the relationship would probably not have lasted to the engagement. It's worth keeping that in mind, that prior to your marriage the relationship was built on something other than sex. Good luck, ladies. -AS

just because people seem disinterested in sex doesn't mean they're gay. it could be a ton of different things.

I actually have the opposite sexual relationship. We are younger and won't be married till May, but my fiance wants it any time and all the time. I honestly enjoy sex when we have it, but I could go a very long time without desiring. This definitely does not mean your husband is cheating. Men can have the same emotions about anything as women, even sex. For me, desire depends on the day. If we get a day all about our relationship and love with no arguing (and I don't feel pressured), I am all his. Btw, I don't like to discuss it either because he doesn't fully get it and sometimes argues the fact, which is completely disrespectful of my honesty and feelings. Your post was very interesting to me. Live Life Love

the waiting til marriage thing being any of you guys problem factor is incorrect. i understand the "dating sieve" logic, very good point, BUT you're counting out one faction of couples - those who DON'T wait but still have this problem. we didn't wait (2 weeks into the relationship) and are in the exact same boat as the original post. our relationship was not built on sex at all; i feel like we have the best true and honest relationship/marriage of anyone i know, sex was just an amazing side perk that we didn't feel like waiting until the ring was on to enjoy. in the beginning, it was the best i've ever had and we couldn't get enough of each other. the waiting factor excluded, i read the first 5 posts amazed at the parallel with our sex life. 7 months in, we're both mid-20's, and its gone from not being able to keep our hands off each other when dating, to once or twice a month now, and that's only if i pester him. i have a little hissy fit probably every other month, as i've brought the topic up a couple times before and still don't feel any difference. he makes all the same promises, that it's not me, that there's nothing wrong, that he just doesn't feel like it, etc... and i know he's not gay :) he masturbates a couple/few times a week, but i'm pretty sure there's no porn addiction involved - unless he's watching it while i'm sleeping lol. he knows i'm not decidedly against porn or masturbating, but he does know that it hurts my feelings when it feels like he chooses his right hand over his wife's body. pretty sure counseling's not an option, as he gets so defensive at the slightest hint of the lack of sex topic, even with just me. if anybody gets this one figured out, i'd LOVE to know.

I think this is all so crazy! I have had a sexual issue with my fiance for 5 years. We have been working on it without counseling, and succeeded well. You need to work on it, if you cant talk to your partner about sex, what the heck are you doing married!!! Seriously! He couldnt make me orgasam for years, but we worked through it. I used masturbation to help keep my hormones under control,and taught him to perform oral sex, and how to do it how i liked. If youre not comfortable enough with your own body to explore it, and know how it works, how can you expect him to know. Is he supposed to guess??? What I have read here makes my head spin, and I cant believe it, im like wow!!! And if you waited until mariage to have sex, and the sex isnt that great, you have to figure that its not going to be much motivation to do it again, because you done without it this long, and its not that great, why do it. we been happy this long. you have to make it worth it i guess. make it all about him a few times, and show him how great it can be, so he wants you more than rosie palm and her five friends! I just cant believe alot of you guys cant even talk to your husbands about it, and youre married. I mean If it was once good, patience and persistance, it will come back eventually. just let them know youre still interested and love him either way sometimes taking the pressure off and giving some reassurance can help. that goes for tryig to teach them too, tell you loe them and appreciate them trying and love what they do, but that they could also do these things to be different etc.

How much sex is "Normal"? My husband and I have been married for a year and a half now and I can relate. When we started dating I found the shyness attractive. I was used to guys initiating and always thinking about it that I think I was attracted to the fact that he was different than what I was used to. By the time this became an issue I was in love and he would always say that it would get better. I believe my husbands issues are psychological. Only one partner before me and so I think confidence and experience may be an issue too. PATIENCE is all I can say. I'm in my early 30's and my sex drive is just getting stronger while his is the same.

I know that no one has written on here in a long while, but this is totally what I'm going through. My husband and I, being Christians, waited until marriage to have sex. During the honeymoon we tried a few times but I don't think we ever got it 'in' correctly. After that we tried more like once every 2 weeks which turned into once every couple of months and now we haven't even attempted to have sex for probably a year and we have only been married since June 2010 (a year and 8 months). My husband is very upset about it as well and now, because of the stress of feeling like he's not 'working properly' he can't even get an erection from anything I do. We talk about it every few weeks (always me bringing it up) and it usually ends with both of us in tears because he feels so much shame about it. This week we've agreed that we will call a sexologist who used to be my professor a few years back (I'm a university student majoring in psychology) as she's the best I know. He must be so defeated to actually agree to go to whatever measures I feel are necessary now. OH, and pornography isn't the answer. Bringing another person into your relationship never brings you closer, only further apart-- I know, I've struggled with porn for a few years now and finally feel like I've reached the end of it. God Bless everyone.