I totally agree that a while after the wedding, or even cohabiting, the frequency of sex does dwindle. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and living together for over two, and I have to say that our sex life was sooo much hotter prior to us moving in together. "What gives?", I thought... But it does make sense that you two are now more emotionally invested in each other, spending more time together, more comfortable with each other undoubtedly, and so, with all those factors and others combined, the lust & longing that was once ever present, just isn't there as much anymore... And you now find yourselves in bed "talking" and "reading a book (?)", instead of, well, having sex. I find though, that just casually and playfully talking to each other about our "needs" does help. Yes, more "talk"!!

Zakbam, like you we are Christians, and waited until we got married . We got married in June and what you are describing is exactly what happened to me. I wanted to want my husband but I simply didn't. After having an honest conversation with him where I told him how I felt and how my body was reacting we decided to talk to a couple in our church that has been married for a very long time and has a very good marriage. It was great to talk to people with more wisdom, and they gavce us some advice. Some of the things they told us were to keep having sex, they asked my husband to come up with romantic ideas and put them to work, they asked for me to do things throughout the day to feel sexy and to let him know I want him. Things are not perfect yet, and I still don't desire him as much as I did before the wedding, but slowly things have gotten much better. If you would like to talk to me more about it, feel free to email me at joluehmann@gmail.com

I know how you feel but sometimes you need to push yourself and sort of "force it" in order for things to happen. If not, you will go that night with out sex, then a week, then a month, and before you know it you two will be in marriage counseling talking about something you could have fixed yourselves in the first place. It is especially hard to find time when both of you have busy/conflicting schedules. Also, when both of you have been living together for a long time. Marriage or not, being comfortable will definitely cause you both to "not try" and always think; "well we always have tomorrow"--instead think "we only have today" and just push for it. Trust me you both will enjoy it and be happy about it later. The key to being together for long is to every-now-and-then stop, and appreciate the other person and realize what great person they are and why they make you so happy. This is your only life, make sure you make the most of it. :)

I thought I was the only one. My husband and I got married in September and I was so excited to get married because we are Christians as well and did not have sex or anything before we were married. I was so excited to finally have sex and it was great but its been 3 months and I have no desire to have sex. He wants to have sex all the time and I don't. I feel like something is wrong with me because we are newly weds and we should be having sex all the time! But I honestly have to drag myself to have sex. I feel horrible about it. We talk about it constantly and he understands my drive isn't as high as his but he still has needs and I just feel like such a horrible new wife... It does make me feel better that I'm not the only one, but how did you guys get over feeling horrible about not wanting to have sex?

my husband and i have been married for 6 months, and he has not changed much considering that he is a very relaxed person, prior to and after the marriage. if our sex life would have dwindled like everyone else has said, we would not be having sex AT ALL!

sagitta77- I totally relate to you. It's like our lives are busy during the day, we work, exercise, eat, chill then go to bed, once we're in bed I usually just want to read or go to sleep. In the morning I get up early to head to work. The weekends seem to be the only time we get where we don't feel exhausted and even then we are usually go, go, going. I think, for us, sex isn't such a huge priority any more. My attraction isn't based on his physique anymore, it's more about being satiated in my love languages which are: acts of services, and quality time. When I'm loved in those ways, I'm more attracted to my husband and we are more intimate.

I know I'm trespassing, wont be married for 8 months, but I just had to say this article and all your posts make me nervous. Hopefully we've already hit that plateau. We've been together nearly 5 years, cohabiting for almost 4. Maybe it has something to do with the perception of "the chase", once you're cohabiting or married "the chase" is effectively over. They're yours and you're theirs.

I got married in Sept of 2010 but we have been together for almost 3yrs and have 3 kids, I am also feeling a lot better after reading this, I am having the same stuggles, I have NO DESIRE, I pray a lot and I have found it to help when we take showers together. A plus for us is morning sex, wake up early and get in the shower.

I just got engaged so I don't know what y'all are going through but a friend just gave me a book called His Needs/Her Needs. I hear it is a great book and we are going to read it together. Check it out and maybe suggest to your husband you want to read it together. Worth a try I guess. Good luck!

oh my goodness, I am so glad I found this post! My husband and I have been married for almost six months and I have absolutely no sex drive. I thought it was because of the birth control I was on. I went off of it and felt better for a little while but now it's back to zero sex drive. I love my husband so much and I want to want him physically, but I just don't and I hate it. Do I just have to force myself to have sex anyways? and would it be wrong to ask my husband to work out to amp up the physical attraction? help please!