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Sex Q&A: Fantasizing About Someone Else?


The Nest Q&AI'm happily married, but I still can't help fantasizing about this sexy guy I had a thing with back in college. Am I a bad wife?


No, you're definitely not a bad wife! It's a natural part of human nature to wonder about the what-ifs and subconsciously create scenarios out in your sleep. Just make sure it doesn't snowball into an obsession, like fantasizing about him during waking hours. Or letting it make you resent your husband, thinking you didn't play the field enough before getting married. If so, ask yourself why you have a sense that the grass might have been greener if you’d taken things further with this guy.

You should also look to rekindle some of the spark with your husband. Focus all of your energies on him and your relationship so that you can keep your fantasies in perspective. Call your husband up to say something loving and sexy. It's the little things that can correct the balance. Also get real: Remind yourself that this "dream guy" does have flaws in real life and chances are you weren't compatible. There's a big reason why you and your husband made it to the altar, and you and your crush didn't. There's nothing like a little reality check to turn a fantasy on its head.

Nestpert Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

-- The Nest Editors

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