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Sex Q&A: Fantasizing About Someone Else?

Q.

The Nest Q&AI'm happily married, but I still can't help fantasizing about this sexy guy I had a thing with back in college. Am I a bad wife?

A.

No, you're definitely not a bad wife! It's a natural part of human nature to wonder about the what-ifs and subconsciously create scenarios out in your sleep. Just make sure it doesn't snowball into an obsession, like fantasizing about him during waking hours. Or letting it make you resent your husband, thinking you didn't play the field enough before getting married. If so, ask yourself why you have a sense that the grass might have been greener if you’d taken things further with this guy.

You should also look to rekindle some of the spark with your husband. Focus all of your energies on him and your relationship so that you can keep your fantasies in perspective. Call your husband up to say something loving and sexy. It's the little things that can correct the balance. Also get real: Remind yourself that this "dream guy" does have flaws in real life and chances are you weren't compatible. There's a big reason why you and your husband made it to the altar, and you and your crush didn't. There's nothing like a little reality check to turn a fantasy on its head.

Nestpert Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

-- The Nest Editors

Aug 02, 2010

See More: Sex Q&A , Love & Sex

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Yes! I've had a few friends have affairs with people only to learn that those folks were just as flawed if not more so than their spouse. The grass only looks greener because you're around your spouse daily. Everyone can be a jerk or witch and you're much better off to work on what you have!

by golferman on Nov 18, 2009

"Look, but don't touch" comes into play here, just because you're happily married doesn't mean you have to see your husband as the only attractive man on the planet. Just keep your thoughts to yourself, and don't act on them. There's a guy I work with that I have had a fling or two with in my mind, I know I'll never act on it, but that hasn't stopped me from sneaking a peek at his backside from time to time.

by lnzylou on Dec 03, 2009

I think that your should say all your fantasies for your husband, he will definitely understand you. I think that such imagines are not bad. For example I and my wife always watch various porn movies, especially Shawna Lenee videos. During the sex I really like to imagine that my wife is Shawna and I tell everything for her. She has never said me that it is something bad. Contrarily, she loves to be Shawna in our bed. So don't feel any shame and tell him everything!

by DavidSimpson on Jan 30, 2011

I totally agree with this 100%! Everyone should understand; even if you are in a very happy relationship, going strong and all, you will find yourself attracted to someone else. But the best way, if you are feeling a bit guilty over it, think of the 101 reasons your significant other is more attractive than them. Ex: She has prettier eyes, he makes me laugh, we have a music taste in common, etc.

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