Q.
Lately my husband has been asking for more sexual behavior from me. But even if I try certain things, like taking nude pictures, it never seems to be enough. I feel frustrated and pressured. What do I do?
A.
Trying out new things can be a fantastic experience, but the pleasure nosedives when one person is trying to live up to certain expectations. I wonder if when you say, "It never seems like enough," that's because you're the one pressuring yourself. It might be that he simply loves seeing you in high heels and sexy clothes, but doesn't expect you to look like a centerfold. Perhaps he loves watching you pleasure yourself, but he doesn't expect you to look like a porn star while doing it. And so on. You might feel differently if you started making some suggestions. Even if you suggested snuggling up and making love in the missionary position!
Talk to him out of the bedroom and when both of you are feeling relaxed. Let him know that sometimes you feel daunted and want the reassurance that he loves you just the way you are -- and that this is just about sex-play. Also, bring up the notion of compromising, where you alternate between trying something new that he suggests and doing something you like.
Nestpert Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure
-- The Nest Editors
Feb 20, 2009
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