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Sex Q&A: Getting out of the Rut?

Q.

The Nest Q&AI think my husband and I have gotten so used to not having sex that it makes it difficult for both of us to initiate. How do we change and get rid of the feelings of awkwardness and hesitation?

A.

Start small and slowly. Take your husband back to one of the places you went to when you were first dating. If you can't do that, get out a photo album from your early days and, with no other distractions, share some of your hottest memories. Then ask your husband what he was first attracted to in you. Get him going by volunteering what you found attractive in him, from his smile to the way he first kissed you. Make sure there are no interruptions -- cell phones off! -- and treat it like a real date.

Couples who do this regularly have proven to reconnect successfully. Once you feel that intimate bond is being established again, ask about his fantasies. Be willing to share yours too. Turn it into a little sex game, where one night you describe your fantasy and then plan a weekend to act it out. Also, make it clear to him that quality, not quantity, counts. Let him know that you're not demanding to go back to having sex three or four times a week, as couples do early in their relationships.

Nestpert Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

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-- The Nest Editors

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