Q.
My husband’s best friend is getting married and one of the groomsmen has hired strippers for a bachelor party. I've heard nasty stories about them and the “perks” they offer. I trust my husband 100 percent, but I still worry. Am I being too jealous?
A.
No way! You're just naturally protecting your territory: your husband! The thought of strippers prancing around with nothing on -- with a bunch of men there who may have been drinking -- simply gets those jealousy antenna up and running on high alert.
There’s nothing wrong with having a lighthearted discussion with him. When you’re both relaxed, say something like, “I hear that one of the groomsmen is hiring a stripper. Don’t enjoy that too much!” Gauge his reaction, and you’ll probably find that he laughs it off and reassures you. And that’s the best you can hope for because it would be wrong to ban him from going. On the other hand, if he has behaved badly with strippers in the past, then you have every right to ask him not to go. But when you start putting such restrictions on him for no good reason, it’s likely to backfire.
Nestpert Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure
-- The Nest Editors
See More: Sex Q&A , Love & Sex
61783304 
lagraceface
I personally think that men objectifying women by going to strip clubs and throwing money at them is degrading. I met my fiance 10 years ago and he shared the same view on female degradation and strip clubs. He has never been to a strip club. Needless to say, I would have a serious problem with all that changing the night before our wedding just because of some stupid invented tradition. Both men and women should be celebrating the union between two people, rather than acting like this is the last time to enjoy one's freedom. The bachelor party seems to be more for the groomsmen rather than the actual groom anyway.
61603159 
serarose
I think that no matter what a wife's opinion about strippers (and her husband/fiance's attendance at their performances)is, it should be respected. It should also be discussed in a frank and friendly manner - like so many other facets of life - as you are getting to know each other and prepare for your life together so that you can identify (and if need be work on) any potential issues ahead of time. My first husband and I disagreed about strippers - I don't think that either of us was Right or Wrong objectively - we just had very different sets of values and opinions about the subject and in hindsight I realized that it pointed to a much deeper incompatibility with what each of us believed was permissible in a committed relationship. It's not okay to be passive-aggressive or mean about handling differences in your beliefs, but it is okay to be honest about them, even if it's not the "generally accepted" point of view that women are supposed to have about something (i.e. "no one else's wife/gf has a problem with it!"). Therefore I agree with the article's opinion that it is important to bring things up in a friendly manner, but I disagree with their flat assessment that "it would be wrong to 'ban' him from going." I think it depends on the couple's own understanding and decision about the matter and that bigger questions relating to boundaries etc. should ideally be discussed well in advance of your wedding or as soon thereafter as you can identify them because lingering resentments will just fester and hurt your relationship over time. It's unrealistic to give a one-size-fits-all response to a question like that.
61567499 
jetzki
Guys might enjoy watching a stripper, but they're typically not at all interested in bringing them home or having a relationship with them! In a bachelor party environment, a lot of it turns out to be more of a comedy routine of sorts.
60187977 
Flutterbyflyhi
When my husband had his bachelor party, I knew they would be going to strip clubs, and really had no problem with it. I trust my husband (at that time, my fiance) and knew he'd never do anything to hurt me. He even told me his cousin paid for him to get lap-dances, and it still didn't bother me. Boys will be boys, and there was no harm done. It's not like it's something he would go out and do all the time (it was his first time at a strip club, and possibly his last - my husband doesn't like the bar scene), so for something momentous like a bachelor party, I expected them all to let loose and have some fun. Now, my brother-in-law, however, didn't get it so easy. He didn't even GO to the strip club with the rest of the bachelor party for fear of getting in trouble with his wife. He and my father-in-law walked down the district instead, stopping here and there for a drink, while they waited for the bachelor party to be over. To top it all off, his wife STILL called and chewed him up one side and down the other, accusing him of going to a strip club, and I believe she even told him to move out. Talk about controlling! Anyway! I guess that shows two sides to the situation. My brother-in-law is certainly on a tight leash, while my own husband pretty much does whatever he feels like doing and appreciates that I allow him that freedom. (That said, I know he'd never do anything to jeopardize our marriage, so that plays a part in my not freaking out because he's always doing what he wants). Just remember, that if the leash is too tight, it may break!