When my husband had his bachelor party, I knew they would be going to strip clubs, and really had no problem with it. I trust my husband (at that time, my fiance) and knew he'd never do anything to hurt me. He even told me his cousin paid for him to get lap-dances, and it still didn't bother me. Boys will be boys, and there was no harm done. It's not like it's something he would go out and do all the time (it was his first time at a strip club, and possibly his last - my husband doesn't like the bar scene), so for something momentous like a bachelor party, I expected them all to let loose and have some fun. Now, my brother-in-law, however, didn't get it so easy. He didn't even GO to the strip club with the rest of the bachelor party for fear of getting in trouble with his wife. He and my father-in-law walked down the district instead, stopping here and there for a drink, while they waited for the bachelor party to be over. To top it all off, his wife STILL called and chewed him up one side and down the other, accusing him of going to a strip club, and I believe she even told him to move out. Talk about controlling! Anyway! I guess that shows two sides to the situation. My brother-in-law is certainly on a tight leash, while my own husband pretty much does whatever he feels like doing and appreciates that I allow him that freedom. (That said, I know he'd never do anything to jeopardize our marriage, so that plays a part in my not freaking out because he's always doing what he wants). Just remember, that if the leash is too tight, it may break!

I think that no matter what a wife's opinion about strippers (and her husband/fiance's attendance at their performances)is, it should be respected. It should also be discussed in a frank and friendly manner - like so many other facets of life - as you are getting to know each other and prepare for your life together so that you can identify (and if need be work on) any potential issues ahead of time. My first husband and I disagreed about strippers - I don't think that either of us was Right or Wrong objectively - we just had very different sets of values and opinions about the subject and in hindsight I realized that it pointed to a much deeper incompatibility with what each of us believed was permissible in a committed relationship. It's not okay to be passive-aggressive or mean about handling differences in your beliefs, but it is okay to be honest about them, even if it's not the "generally accepted" point of view that women are supposed to have about something (i.e. "no one else's wife/gf has a problem with it!"). Therefore I agree with the article's opinion that it is important to bring things up in a friendly manner, but I disagree with their flat assessment that "it would be wrong to 'ban' him from going." I think it depends on the couple's own understanding and decision about the matter and that bigger questions relating to boundaries etc. should ideally be discussed well in advance of your wedding or as soon thereafter as you can identify them because lingering resentments will just fester and hurt your relationship over time. It's unrealistic to give a one-size-fits-all response to a question like that.

As a stripper myself, I find it offensive that everyone assumes we have sex with our customers. If there's sex going on, then they hired prostitutes, not strippers, and they should be careful that they don't get arrested or get something that requires a cream to get rid of it. You shouldn't be jealous of a stripper. We're just working girls with husbands and children just like you. We just have a different job than you do. And lagraceface : It's not anymore degrading than scrubbing toilets for a living, or flipping burgers. Women that strip do it because they choose to, not because they have too. Most strippers have legitimate jobs too. Many are going to school. And yes, many do it to support their children. Very few actually have drug problems.

i personally would feel very hurt if my fiance went to a strip club. it has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with respect. of course he wouldn't be going home with the woman, but how should i know he doesn't think of her and not me when we're alone together. women who find nothing wrong with this should not be making light of the situation toward women who are often deeply hurt by a husband who wants to go to strip clubs and engage in similar activities. i don't see anything wrong with the fact that i want to be the only woman my husband thinks of like that, hence the marriage... i feel that everyone's relationship is different, and if you're ok with something like this, then that's your deal. if you're not ok with it, don't feel like you're controlling--i agree with you, it sucks that bachelor parties, whether they are for your husband or for one of his close friends, often have strippers. if my fiance went to one of these types of bachelor parties, you better believe we would have an argument/discussion about it. it doesn't mean i'll leave him, but he should be aware that it makes me very uncomfortable.

Questioner: If you trust him 100 percent, just talk to him about your thoughts and little worries in the back of your head...you'll feel better. Like the Dr said, lighthearted conversation. Remind him that he can have fun with his buddies, then come home afterward and take any sexual tension out on YOU. ;) That will keep your face in his mind at the party! Others: I encourage all women to be confident enough to not worry about things like strip clubs. If your man has a cheating history or a sex addiction, that's another issue. Strip clubs alone are not bad. Quite frankly watching a stripper on a pole is like watching Cirque de Soleil, haha...it's VERY impressive! The boys get excited because it's naked girls, naturally. My husband got his thrills out of it when he was younger and I never had a problem with it, he could care less about them now but if his buddies want to go there's no problem. He knows he'd enjoy hanging out with them, having a beer and watching pretty women. Yes, he can look at pretty women, he's married not dead. This should only be a problem if you're insecure, with either your relationship or yourself. If you're insecure with yourself, try to get to the bottom of that instead. You're beautiful, tell yourself a thousand times...of course you're sexy, or he wouldn't be with you! If you reeeeally want to convince him to stay home (without coming off as an over controlling crazy wife) consider putting a pole in your room and buying a cute new "outfit"...win/win. :)

I've been on Stag dos where there are strippers: and they are without failure no where near as attractve as the women who the men are marrying. Women should not stress about this. If you are stressed about strippers: send him to a classy strip joint on his stag do, they have "no touching" rules that means he's paying waaaaay too much money for beer and then gets no where. A good halfway house would be to send him to somewhere like "Hooters" (*Other bars are available with overtly large breasted women in tight tops) - The women in there aren't paid enough to do anything more than serve beer, he get's an eyefull, and let's be honest, the girls there are generally too attractive to be interested in a group of drunk idiots who've had 12 pints already!

fuck this. and fuck the idea of "boys will be boys" there is something wrong with this acceptance. that it's normal for this activity to even happen. the night before a marriage should not be the night for one last hoorah. that's why marriages end. because of this need for escape, etc. why do people have bachelor/ette parties? to live it up one last time? how backwards is it to think that marriage is an end to all things fun and "free?" Free should be reevaluated in our society. because right now free is causing individualism which makes it impossible for people to "be one." it is a betrayal for a husband to be to receive a lap dance. you have a problem if it doesn't hurt. those actions should say, "my husband (or fiance) doesn't care about subjecting women, he's concerned with having one last "hoorah" thus communicating that he's going to eventually be miserable in a marriage." i am so blessed with a husband who chose to and enjoyed an entire weekend with his friends, watching movies and drinking beers. Normal things. A weekend to enjoy the old times with his very best friends.

I cannot believe the answer to this question. "That's the best you can HOPE for" - "because it would be WRONG to ban him from going"?????? "When you start putting such restrictions on him FOR NO GOOD REASON(???), it's likely to backfire." LOL ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! This is not a 1 month old casual boyfriend!!!!! This is your HUSBAND. Whom you will have children with. What childish little idiot came up with this response?!?!?! Someone who doesn't seem to have a clue what a real relationship SHOULD consist of. When did it become acceptable for naked sluts to dance on your husband??? Please, lets go back 50 years and time and see what the answer would have been. By the way, I'm 25. I'm insulted and DISAPPOINTED in the nest for putting this up. Disgusted. I cannot believe this....

If a man needs "one last night of freedom" is he really ready to get married? Your husband/fiance would rather have a stranger dance on him and strip than you? Something is wrong there, in my opinion.

I trust my husband 100% and i knew he had 2 strippers @ his bachleor party call me crazy but i helped his best man find the angency to book them...however we have been married for 2 months and im still debating wether or not I regret that decsion...i found out later that the girls asked for all the guys to come up w/ $20 for the groom and $20 for the best man and they would do a trick turns out for their trick they laid both guys down on the floor and put a dum dum sucker (the really small ones) in their mouths and then "fucked" the sucker then took the sucker back from the guys w/ their mouths...i was told the best man was pushing his face closer to the girl but was told by many ppl (including my father & brother they were there) that my guy was trying 2 turn his head away...do i believe it idk...but i need your help is it cheating...did he cheat on me w/ a stripper??? And thats just the stuff i know about god only knows what else happened...i know one guy licked a jello shot from the girls vajayjay...so just looking for some support i really dk what to think!!! Thanks Ladies!

A 'last night of freedom' is a bunch of bs. His last night of freedom was the night before you two became exclusive, thats how I see it. My husband knows how I feel about strippers and strip clubs, and he knows I will never approve of him going there. Im insecure, but this has nothing to do with that, this is about him watching partly or fully naked girls dancing around on a stage. He would not feel comfortable with me going to a male strip club, and we have this thing, if you wouldnt feel comfortable with your s/o doing something, then you shouldnt do it. And from what I have noticed, this is just me and may not be the same for other people, but it seems like the single groomsmen and other single guys at bachlor parties are the ones who really want to go to strip clubs. And what I have to say to that is, when you have your bachlor party and you still want to do that, be my guest, but dont put pressure on someone else to do what you want when its not your party.

I second that response. And whoever the stripper is that commented, please don't be offended but rather motivated to change careers. We are just women sharing our thoughts this is not a place for heated debate. My husband went camping and fishing with his buddies for his bachelor party and had the time of his life. I didn't have to ask him not to visit the strip clubs. He didn't want to disrespect me or anyother woman. Even if I had to ask him not to go, he would've gladly uninvited himself.

Dr. Spurr sounds so lame. Why do we have to be good little girls and have "lighthearted" discussions with him about serious issues like sexual boundaries. And why should we be comforted when he just laughs it off and reassures us. And why is it wrong to expect him to respect our relationship and why is that not considered a good enough reason for him to go. And how about the veiled threat that if we are not good little lighthearted girls that place no restrictions on him, it will backfire. As if we will bring calamity on ourselves by having morals and convictions and expecting our relationship to be respected. What a crock.

I know that I was going to be insanely jealous of my fiance (now husband) going to a strip club on his bachelor party. So, I did the same. I went to the male strip club and threw money at men. I got to experience that it is all in good fun, and that I still woke up next to my fiance, still in love with him. I didn't wish he was one of the strippers nor did I miss them when I left. It was fun. That's all. A lot of fun!

"And how about the veiled threat that if we are not good little lighthearted girls that place no restrictions on him, it will backfire." Actually, the answer does say that if he has a bad track record with this sort of thing or has given you a reason not to trust him then it's perfectly reasonable to ask him not to go. The backfiring bit was referring to banning him from going when you apparently "trust him 100%" and he's given you no reason to doubt this. Honestly, I always took the whole bachelor/ette party "this is your last night of freedom" thing as more of a joke than anything else. If you truly believe that this is going to be your last night to really have fun, then you're probably either not ready to get married or not with the right person. I always took it as a sort of joke though. My guy has said he doesn't want a bachelor party and that's fine. We're just having a small wedding anyway, so it'd be kinda weird to have a big party. If he did want to go out and do something though, even if that something included watching strippers, I'd be okay with that. My general rule is you can look but don't touch. (But we have discussed how to handle it if he decides he does want to touch.) More than anything, I'm glad that we can talk about all these things and find a solution that we're both comfortable with.

It is absolutely not wrong for a woman to be jealous or flat-out angry with the idea of her husband-to-be engaging in any sort of activity with a stripper. Thus, your discussion about this doesn't have to be lighthearted if you feel strongly about it. Since it is natural for the bride to be protecting her territory, she ought to have every right to tell him how it makes her feel - jealous, upset and betrayed. For him to be looking at or accepting dances from scantily clad women is a form of infidelity and a strong relationship does not need to tolerate that on Bachelor Party Night or any other night. If she wants her own strippers, that's another matter and they ought to be on equal footing, but I say the same thing for her partner. If that upsets him he ought to say so, and she ought to respect it. The second issue at work here seems to be pressure from his friends. If he loves you and wants to make you his partner in all things for the rest of his life, he ought to be able to say to his buddies, "no strippers for me, guys. I've found the woman I love and I am not interested in any others. Please respect our relationship and let's have fun doing something else for the bachelor party." Any decent friend would be respectful if the groom politely and firmly states his position.

Ps. "boys will be boys" is a ridiculous excuse for poor behavior. A man would never accept "girls will be girls" if his wife ran around on him.

Thank you everyone for your insight! Here I have thought that I was being insecure and shouldn't be so worried about my Fiance having strippers. He says that he doesn't like them, but I don't trust his friends, and I was afraid to put my foot down to his friends, as I don't want to seem like the over controlling soon to be wife. I too don't feel that it is okay to celebrate your last night of "freedom" by engaging in these activities. We have spent this whole relationship not cheating on each other, why would we start now? Honestly, if I were to find out that someone had happened, it would ruin my marriage. Who would want to take that risk? If you love and respect someone, there shouldn't be any reason to participate in this risky behavior. I know that I have made it very clear that I do NOT want strippers at my Bachelorette party. I don't need to see penises in my face, I have a perfect one at home at the end of each day. Yes, we are all entitled to our opinions, but I don't think that women who feel strongly against strippers should be made to feel that they are insecure or don't have self confidence. It isn't even about that. It is about our feelings. We should never feel discouraged for feeling a certain way.

So I absolutely agree with the women on here who are uncomfortable with strippers. If it doesn't bother you, then congratulations, but for the rest of us who feel that our husbands enjoying the company of other naked women is not OK, we are not alone! Personally, if my husband was at a house party and a naked woman started rubbing her body all over him, I would divorce him for cheating - so why is doing that at a strip club any different?? My problem is that most of my husbands friends will be having "traditional" bachelor parties, and he really wants to go because he doesn't want to be left out (not because he wants to go to the strip club). So what should I do?? If I refuse to let him go, he will feel that I am unfairly not trusting him and that I am preventing him from having fun with his friends. Also, all his friends will think I am a huge bitch and tell him he is whipped! I was able to ban the strip club thing from HIS bachelor party, but what I am supposed to do when it comes to his friend's bachelor parties?? I have a very strict "no lap dance" rule which he respects, but it still pisses me off and makes me upset. This is probably the only thing in our marriage that we really fight about! help...

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