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Sex Q&A: Not Sexually Satisfied?

Q.

The Nest Q&AI'm not sexually satisfied with my husband. I've tried everything -- lingerie, books, flat out telling and showing him what to do -- and I don't know what the disconnection is. Things are just so boring in the bedroom!

A.

Your tone is a bit angry, which hints that something else is going on in the relationship and if you're just using sex as the focus of the problem. Perhaps there's a power struggle going on, or maybe a lack of communication. Only you can decide. But when it gets to the stage of finger-pointing (i.e., "You don't satisfy me no matter what I try"), a negative cycle begins to develop. It puts him on the defensive because he thinks you're on the offensive.

Evaluate how you two have been relating recently. Let your husband know you want to table the sex for a few weeks to work on reconnecting outside of the bedroom. Do a favor for him each day, even if it's simply leaving a loving note on his pillow or sending him a text message. And make sure you get out for a weekly date where you do something fun, like seeing a movie or trying a new restaurant. After a month, see if you're getting back that lovin' feeling.

Soon you should get the confidence to explore more of what's going on in the bedroom. If you haven't already, masturbate to find out what works for you. You can then take this new knowledge into lovemaking with him, describing in lots of detail exactly how you want to be touched and pleasured.

Nestpert Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

-- The Nest Editors

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