I got a few sex toys at a friend's birthday party, and I'm not sure how to introduce them to my husband. We've used lotions before but never actual toys. How can I broach the subject?
A: I think it's a good sign that you're concerned about introducing sex toys in a way that's fun and nonthreatening. This is because some men do feel a little vulnerable when the woman brings it up. We don’t see toys as a replacement for our partner, but they fear that we do.
Why not introduce the idea this way: The next time you two are massaging each other with some sensual lotions, say something like, "This might feel extra pleasurable if I ran a vibrator up and down where I've been massaging you." See what he says to something like that! If he seems to react positively, you can say you've been planning a little surprise for him because you want to ensure both of you have lots of sexual pleasure.
When first using a sex toy, be gentle and just run it over each other's inner thighs and lower abdomen, and even around your breasts. You don't have to start mimicking penetrative sex with it straight away -- again, a man might find this a bit daunting! Once you're both used to the way the toy works, you can then get more daring with it.
Also, no matter how good it feels when he uses a sex toy on you, always make sure you tell him he feels better! And, by all means, enjoy loads of fantastic sex-play with toys, but don't let it become a complete substitute for his touch.
Just be sure that the toy doesn't have contact with the anal area and then the genitals, as you can spread anal bacteria this way. If you decide you want to have a couple of sex toys, keep them separate for different uses. It's important to always clean them the way the manufacturer recommends since some are made with particular materials that require a gentle cleanser.
Nestpert: Dr. Pam Spurr, author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure
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